Lori Duff Writes

Once upon a time, I was a teenager.  And that teenager went to college and did the whole sorority rush thing and made a whole bunch of friends she called sisters.  Now, thirty *cough cough* some-odd years later, that group of teenage girls has transformed into a group of accomplished middle-aged women who are still friends but who never get to see each other.

So we saw each other.

Or, seven of us did, anyway.  We came from all over the U.S.  From San Francisco, various parts of the Southeast, Salt Lake City, Connecticut, and Maryland.  We met on the beach, but we could have met anywhere. The location didn’t matter, the company did.

In some ways we were all alike.  We are all mothers, we are all well-educated and well-employed, all basically healthy.  In some ways we weren’t.  We are different religions and ethnic backgrounds.  Our ancestors hailed from a variety of continents.  We range in height by almost a foot.

But what really bound us together was this: we had our stuff together.  I know, I know, correlation is not the same as causation, but I believe deep in my soul that if you want to travel with an efficient bunch of human beings, travel with a bunch of professional moms. 

I cannot remember when, if ever, I have gone to a place[1] with other people and not felt like I was herding caffeinated squirrels.  Even when everyone agrees on what restaurant to go to and when to go there, there is always that moment when I feel compelled to clap my hands to get everyone’s attention and yell, “People!  Pay attention!  This way!  Let’s go!  Why is it so hard to put on shoes?”  I always want to kick someone else’s damp towel out of the way.  There is inevitably that one person that makes every action twenty times more difficult.

Not so with this crowd.  It was a lesson in group dynamics.  Everyone pulled her own weight.  She saw something that needed to be done and, get this, just DID it.  Without prompting or nagging.  When it was time to go, she simply went.  At no point did anyone choose an insane battle or a ridiculous hill to die upon.   No one insisted on being the Alpha.  We were just sisters, all in a row. 

It’s an old saw that I’ve always believed was sadly true: If you want something done, ask a busy woman[2].  Get seven busy women on vacation together for three days?  You’ll get Pinterest Board-like meal planning; tidying up that looks like a stop motion video of a swarm of ants picking clean a carcass in the desert; five-digit Fitbit comparison numbers; an entire houseful of towels and bedlinens washed and changed, folded and put away miraculously in less time than it takes to run the washer-dryer cycle; and paperback swaps because we all finished ours.

We.  Got.  It.  Done.

This left us plenty of time to reminisce, to be awfully glad that social media and the internet didn’t exist in the 80’s, to drink Texas Ranch Water[3], to take long walks on the beach, and to watch an Elvis impersonator perform.  We searched our failing memories to recall old jokes and came up with some new ones.  Apparently there is a difference between the homophones pornstache [a 1970’s era over-grown moustache] and a porn-stash [a stack of Penthouse magazines one hides from one’s Mom]. Until you’ve figured that out conversationally it can make for some major misunderstandings.  We took turns having hot flashes and all got a ride in Ann’s bright yellow all-electric Mustang as well as Natasha’s practical blue minivan.  We listened to Blondie, the Police, and Elton John on a genuine vintage turntable/cd player combo.  None of us wore any makeup ever.  Who were we going to impress?

Of course, I’m home now, back to life, back to reality.[4]  I’m not saying reality is bad – it’s just not nearly as efficient as my sisters.  I miss you ladies.  You know how to make things happen. 

[1] Or, let’s be honest, stayed home at a place

[2] I probably shouldn’t say this but the converse is also true: if you don’t want something done, ask a man who has nothing whatsoever to do. 

[3] https://www.southernliving.com/recipes/ranch-water

[4] (856) Soul II Soul – Back To Life (However Do You Want Me) (Official Music Video) – YouTube  I hear this song in my head EVERY MONDAY MORNING.

If you enjoyed this and want to read more like it, visit Lori on Twitter or on Facebook or read her award winning books.  Her newest book, a Foreword INDIES Gold Medal award winner, “If You Did What I Asked In The First Place” is currently available by clicking here.

Lori Duff

Lori B. Duff is an award-winning author who practices law on the side.  Her latest book, “If You Did What I Asked in the First Place” was awarded the Gold Medal for humor in the Foreword INDIES awards in 2019. You can follow her on Twitter at @LoriBDuff and on Facebook. For more blogs written by Lori, click here. For more information about Lori in general, click here. If you want Lori to do your writing for you, click here. If you want Lori to help you market your book, click here.