Lori Writes Funny Lori Duff Writes

I Can’t Drive 55 April 9, 2021

FOR THE RECORD: if one is driving a yellow convertible Camaro, and if Joan Jett’s “I Hate Myself For Loving You” comes on the radio, it is physically impossible to drive less than 70 miles per hour.  This is true regardless of the legal speed limit, the street you are on, or if you are…

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Old Lady Duff March 26, 2021

The average life expectancy of an American woman in 1921 was 60.1 years.  Since I am currently 50-point-I don’t want to do the math years old, that means that a mere 100 years ago I would be an old woman, damned near death.  As recently as 1907, I would be OLDER than the average living…

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Just Say Nope March 12, 2021

Every once in a while I stumble upon a product so life changing, I have to write about it.  I promise you, the good folks at Smarta$$ and Sass who sold it to me have not compensated me in any way.[1] It is (insert drumroll) a self-inking stamp that says “Nope.” See? I have given…

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It’s a Grocery Date February 26, 2021

Once upon a time I was a young person and I used to go out on dates.  I even (don’t tell my kids) used to go out on romantic outings with their father. Now, we are 22 years into our marriage and a few weeks shy of a whole year into Coronapocalypse.  We rarely leave…

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Bored February 12, 2021

I can’t remember the last time I was bored.  Bored seems like such a luxury.  It means that there is nothing to clean, your books-to-read pile is done, all your yard work is complete, there are no shows on Netflix to catch up on, you are too sore for a workout, and all the thoughts…

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Mask Up for Kindness January 29, 2021

In case you hadn’t noticed from all the mask wearing people around you, we are in the middle of a pandemic.  As I am writing this, which on ‘first draft day’ is January 21, 2021, over 400,000 Americans are dead from Coronavirus.  Whether you believe this number is real or not, I can tell you…

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Control January 15, 2021

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but things have been a little bit out of control lately.  We can’t seem to go more than 45 minutes without breaking news.  That doesn’t even count all the crazy stuff that’s going on in my personal life. Since we’re at the beginning of a new year, which some…

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Spoil the Puppy January 1, 2021

We have been dog owners for over two years now. Having Lincoln in our house has revealed a divide that I feel like sociologists should study.  The divide is along gender lines, which I don’t think is coincidental. I never took a sociology class, but my daughter did, and she got an “A” in it,…

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An Antedote to 2020 — Make Me Laugh December 18, 2020

Well, well, well.  We all thought that would never happen.  The end of 2020.  What a year.  I suppose there’s someone out there who is thinking, “This was my best year ever!” but I can tell you this much – that person isn’t me.  Probably wasn’t you, either. Whatever side of the aisle you’re on,…

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A Time to Yell December 4, 2020

About a dozen or more years ago, on Christmas Eve, I found myself in the emergency room with blinding pain in my abdomen. I put up with the pain for a few days, pretending I was okay for my little children’s sake, hoping it would go away.  It didn’t.  It got worse and worse, and…

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