Lori Duff Writes

My dog, Lincoln, seems to have a sense for when I want[1] to get up.  I might be on the sofa, and as soon as my weight shifts he hops up and snuggles against my leg, chin on my thigh.  At night, he sleeps on or between my feet, spooning his curled-up body against the curve of my ankle.  It’s never easy to get out of a warm bed in the morning, but Lincoln makes it nearly impossible.

One morning, as I contemplated the benefits of choosing the harsh reality of day to the snuggles of a warm puppy, I had the following minor epiphany.[2]  I’m a relatively tall woman – five foot six, with enormous feet and man hands, and a decent amount of bulk on me.  My dog might be two feet, nose to tush, and weighs in after a good meal at maybe twenty-eight pounds.  There is no reason why he should weigh me down in any context, but even when he’s merely next to me I feel his consequence holding me down like a kind of gravity. 

What is that force that holds me down?  In that moment, I knew what it was: love.  And love wasn’t just a warm, fuzzy feeling, it was an actual, quantifiable, measurable thing.

But what is that thing?  Is it a form of energy like electricity?  I remember the moment my now husband went from being a guy who could provide a service[3] to a guy I was attracted to and it felt like a zap of electricity.  Is it a force like magnetism?  I know I feel drawn to the people I love when they are in a room, the same way I feel repelled by people who irritate me.  Is it matter that interacts with other matter in the way that chemicals do? Like the way vinegar and baking soda combined[4] will make for a volcanic eruption?[5]

I’m not a scientist.  I’m aware, in the way that everyone who has passed high school chemistry is, of the scientific method and, being so aware, I’m also aware that I am incapable of devising a set of experiments to determine the substance I’m looking for. 

And here’s the thing: I don’t need to know.  I’m satisfied knowing that love is a thing.  It’s not just an abstract idea only achievable by poets and romantics.  It’s real and tangible and can be found in my husband’s hugs and acts of kindness, Lincoln bringing me his toys, my children calling me with their good news, and a thousand other ways. 

I don’t have to know what it is.  It’s enough that I know that it’s there.

[1] Or, more accurately, need.

[2] I have a lot of minor epiphanies in the early morning when I’m only sort of conscious.  I think this is because, in a half-awake state my brain doesn’t do the work of censoring and it’s a truly free association.

[3] No, not that service, you perv.  He was the police helicopter pilot and I wanted a ride.

[4] Or Mentos and Diet Coke.

[5] Again, get your mind out of the gutter.

If you enjoyed this and want to read more like it, visit Lori on Twitter or on Facebook or read her award winning books.  You can order her novella, “Broken Things”, by clicking here.  The audiobook can be found on Audible or iTunes.  You can pre-order her novel “Devil’s Defense” coming in November 2024.

Lori Duff

Lori B. Duff is an award-winning author who practices law on the side.  Her latest book, “If You Did What I Asked in the First Place” was awarded the Gold Medal for humor in the Foreword INDIES awards in 2019. You can follow her on Twitter at @LoriBDuff and on Facebook. For more blogs written by Lori, click here. For more information about Lori in general, click here. If you want Lori to do your writing for you, click here. If you want Lori to help you market your book, click here.