Lori Duff Writes
In light of record high pollen counts and the glue that has become every bodily fluid I produce, I thought this article from 2016 was worth republishing. I have a superpower. I can take ordinary grocery items, like lettuce and milk and Little Debbie Snack Cakes, and turn them into pounds and pounds of pollen-induced…
This is what happens when I try to hold my book because of my Essential Tremor. As if I weren’t physically awkward enough, as if my weird, clunky walk weren’t enough, and my graceless inability to walk through a doorframe without hitting one side or another with my shoulders weren’t enough, I have been…
My husband and I have had a long standing argument about whether or not I am a cheap date. He swears I am. I wasn’t convinced. The problem, I joked, was that he was comparing my normal human metabolism to his, which resembles that of a hummingbird. The man lives on Skittles and Jamocha shakes…
It isn’t terribly pleasant when a doctor has me open up my mouth and say ahh so she can get a peek at my throat. I have a tendency to gag on the tongue depressor, and I find myself worrying about the quality of my breath. But I’m not embarrassed. There’s nothing humiliating or even humbling…
A few times in my lawyering career, I’ve had medical malpractice cases in which careless doctors accidentally left things in people’s bodies after cutting them open. Wires, superfluous body parts, and the ever-popular surgical sponges, to name a few. I get that carelessness happens, but still. I’ve been known to be careless from time to…
I’m now old enough for Home Medical Equipment – specifically, a CPAP machine. Along with age comes wisdom. Also, extra body fat, wiry chin hairs, and an inability to distinguish one pop song from another. Me, I got an extra bonus – the ability to snore. I snore loudly and dramatically, so I’m told. My…
If you’ve read my books (and I’ll pause here while you go order them off of Amazon or the online retailer of your choice if you haven’t) you’ll know that I have a pretty lengthy history with eyeball surgery. As a person too blind for lasik, I got implanted contact lenses which involved slicing open…
Back in the day when I was serious about being a flute player, I was mildly obsessed with chapped lips. Especially so in the dry winter. Chapped lips could make everything terrible. I would whine about chapped lips to my teacher as the reason for my inability to do things and she would snap back,…
What are your battle scars? Not too long ago, I was hauling some accumulated crapola from one location to another, for reasons that are not relevant here. I hired a U-Haul and several teenagers to help me. We got a late start, and so I was trying to get things moving a little more quickly. …
Metatarsalgia and Me Of the myriad of stupid ways in which I am likely to eventually die, refusal to go to the doctor because I think the doctor might think I’m just a whiner baby is up there on the list. Honestly, I don’t know why I care so much. I’m sure no one…