Lori Duff Writes

I was in a cab[1] going from the airport to my hotel.  The driver was a friendly guy, asking me about my trip, where I was from.  He pointed out several local landmarks along the way, and made suggestions about restaurants and side trips.  I chittered back at him, doing my best to hold up my end of the conversation.

I have to admit: his good cheer and friendliness annoyed the bejeebus out of me.  Partly because the older I get the more curmudgeonly I am, but also because I am an introvert and I like observing new environments and taking them in, assessing them in silence.  Small talk seems pointless.  This kind of forced friendliness irritates me. But, I am fundamentally polite, and it seemed rude to me not to answer his questions in a (false) friendly manner and respond to his comments.

Then it occurred to me: it would, in fact, have been objectively rude for me to ignore his friendly overtures.  However, this is only because the societal rules of politeness were written by extroverts.  If I were writing the rules of etiquette, it would be rude to interrupt the thoughts of other people without something unique or important to say.

There was, at some point, a minor lull in the conversation, and I felt the pressure I often feel to come up with something to say.  I’m bad at this.  My brain automatically rejects all the things it comes up with (“What’s the weather supposed to be like this weekend?” “Where can I get a good hamburger around here?” “How long have you driven a taxi?”) because the questions themselves and/or the potential answers don’t interest me in the slightest.  I may be introverted, but I’m not shy.  If I had something I wanted the answer to, I would ask it. 

I reprimanded myself for feeling that pressure.  If he wants to chit chat, he can bear the burden of chit chatting.  I don’t want to chit chat.  So I should not bear the burden of making the atmosphere comfortable for him.  At some point in my life, the atmosphere should be designed for my comfort.  And if that ends up being only ninety seconds in a cab ride before I am asked if I’d been to Dayton before, well, at least I had ninety seconds. 

In other words, the question I should be asking is this one: why do I feel pressure to do what other people want me to do.  Why don’t other people feel pressure to do what I want them to do?

Maybe they do, they just don’t know what it is.  Which makes me think I should tell them.  But entering a cab and saying, “Just so you know, I have no interest in talking to you” seems rude from any perspective.  I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  I just want to walk around in my own brain for a little bit. 

I’m open to ideas.  Feel free to put them in the comments.

[1] An actual taxi, not an uber.  Call me old fashioned, but I prefer government oversight when stepping into a vehicle with a stranger.

If you enjoyed this and want to read more like it, visit Lori on Twitter or on Facebook or read her award winning books.  You can order her novella, “Broken Things”, by clicking here.  The audiobook can be found on Audible or iTunes.  You can pre-order her novel “Devil’s Defense” coming in November 2024.

Lori Duff

Lori B. Duff is an award-winning author who practices law on the side.  Her latest book, “If You Did What I Asked in the First Place” was awarded the Gold Medal for humor in the Foreword INDIES awards in 2019. You can follow her on Twitter at @LoriBDuff and on Facebook. For more blogs written by Lori, click here. For more information about Lori in general, click here. If you want Lori to do your writing for you, click here. If you want Lori to help you market your book, click here.