Bernadette Peters Hates Me: True Tales From A Delusional Man
“Bernadette Peters Hates Me” has got to be one of the best titles of all time. Doesn’t it make you want to know why on Earth Bernadette Peters would hate anyone? The cover of this book is pretty awesome, too, a work of art in its own right and a stylized painting of Bernadette Peters. I know you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but, when the cover is this good, why not note it? [I’m assuming you know who Bernadette Peters is. If you don’t, well, then you’re probably not the kind of person who would like the book, so I won’t explain.]
Anyway, the book itself is only partially about why Bernadette Peters hates Keith Stewart, though hate is probably a strong word since she met him for all of maybe two minutes. But I’ll bet she tells the story at cocktail parties. I won’t spoil it, but it’s funny, and I’m glad Keith can laugh at himself and tell it to us.
The book is a series of short autobiographical stories, all of which involve Keith humiliating himself in some way by ripping his pants, assuming he’s wearing any, or in hot yoga, or by saying the absolute wrong thing. Or maybe getting into a fist fight at a funeral. Maybe.
Keith strikes me as the kind of guy I’d like to sit next to at a barbecue. He’d make snarky comments about everyone else and tell stories that end up with him doing something stupid. He’s a number of things that contradict themselves. A hillbilly schlemiel* might be a good description, if that makes any sense.
This book is like having a beer with a funny friend and he tells you stories.
*FYI, those words at the beginning of Laverne and Shirley are real words, in Yiddish. Yiddish is notoriously difficult to translate, but roughly a Schlemiel is a person who trips in a restaurant and spills his soup all over the poor guy who had the bad luck of sitting next to him. The schlimazel is the person who gets the soup spilled on him.
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Lori B. Duff is an award-winning author who practices law on the side. Her latest book, “If You Did What I Told You…” is set to be released in the Fall of 2019. You can follow her on Twitter at @LoriBDuff and on Facebook. For more blogs written by Lori, click here. For more information about Lori in general, click here. If you want Lori to do your writing for you, click here.