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Miss Trunchbull January 19, 2018

About ten years ago, I had eyeball surgery which implanted contact lenses right in front of my retinas.  This allowed me to go glasses free for a long time.  Recently, however, my left eye decided to act up and prevent me from reading street signs in smaller fonts.  So I went to the eye doctor and got glasses.

I picked out a pair that I thought were cute.  They are a dark red, and slightly cat-eye shaped.  I thought they were sassy.   My daughter, who was with me, didn’t veto them.  She gave them a, “Well, if you like them…” which, given her age (13) and general inability to admit that I have done anything even remotely cool, is high praise.  I even went out and bought lipstick to match them.  See how cute?

 

Only, with my hair in a bun, and the red lipstick and the red glasses, what I saw was this:

 

In case you don’t recognize her, that’s Roz from Monsters, Inc.  Roz has a cigarettes and whiskey voice, and is generally unpleasant.

This, I suppose, is no better or worse than my non-glasses physical doppelganger.  The first time my hair was long enough to put up in a bun, I went to the gym.  I was wearing sweat pants and a hoodie.  I came home and my daughter took one look at me and decided that I looked exactly like Miss Trunchbull, the bully from the book/movie/musical “Matilda.”  I wasn’t flattered, but I also couldn’t disagree.  See for yourself:

trunchbullWhenever I come home looking like this and my kids start to say something I feel the need to shout “SHOTPUT!  JAVELIN!  HAMMERTHROW!” just like Miss Trunchbull does.  They think it’s funny.  I do, too, I guess, though it doesn’t make me feel any kind of lovely.

Of course, even since I was a child people have told me that I look like Mayim Biyalik.  This is infinitely more flattering.  It’s also rather true.  As proof, I offer this:

This is not, despite appearances, a picture of Mayim Biyalik as Amy Farrah Fowler on the Big Bang Theory.  No, it was a picture of her, but my friend Allison Photoshopped my face onto hers, and not even my kids can tell the difference. It’s all a matter of perspective, then.  I could be Roz, I could be Miss Trunchbull, or I could be ready for the cameras Mayim.

How we see ourselves is what we project to other people.  I need to quit projecting unpleasant people.  The actress who plays Miss Trunchbull, Pam Ferris, is actually rather pretty and very attractive when she is not in character.  (It is notable that in the musical, the character is traditionally played by a man in drag.)  I need to remind myself that I am Pam and Mayim, not Roz and Miss Trunchbull.

Maybe if I stare hard enough in the mirror I can see that.  Or maybe I’ll just quit looking in the mirror at all.

If you enjoyed this and want to read more like it, visit Lori  on Twitter or on Facebook. Lori is the Readers Favorite and eLit award winner for her latest release, “You Know I Love You Because You’re Still Alive.”  She is also the author of the bestselling books “Mismatched Shoes and Upside Down Pizza,” and “The Armadillo, the Pickaxe, and the Laundry Basket.

Lori B. Duff is the author of the Amazon ‘Hot New Release’ Mismatched Shoes and Upside Down Pizza, a collection of autobiographical humor essays. The hard copy of the book can be found on Amazon & BarnesandNoble.com and select local retailers. The e-book can be found here. You can follow her on Twitter at @LoriBDuff and on Facebook. For more blogs written by Lori, click here. For more information about Lori in general, click here. If you want Lori to do your writing for you, click here.

Miss Trunchbull

3 Comments

  1. ernie

    Hilarious! I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing with you. When I was in college I was having trouble with my contacts and had to wear my glasses. Everyone commented on how much I looked like Tracey Gold who played Carol Seaver on ‘Growing Pains.’ Since the show was no longer popular, my outdated oversized glasses were way uncool. Your daughter telling you that your glasses are OK reminds me of my kids telling me my hair looks fine as I try to fluff it in the rear-view mirror before we get out of the car. Their tone implies, ‘it doesn’t really matter anyway . . . you are old.’

    Reply

    • Lori Duff

      Exactly that! The tone is, “What? It isn’t like you’re going to look good no matter what you do. What’s the difference? Those aren’t more horrible than any other pair….”

      Reply

  2. Erika Berglund

    Too funny! It’s been forever since I’ve watched ‘Matilda.’ Now I have a movie craving, yay! I know what I’ll be doing next weekend:)

    Reply

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Miss Trunchbull

3 Comments

  1. ernie

    Hilarious! I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing with you. When I was in college I was having trouble with my contacts and had to wear my glasses. Everyone commented on how much I looked like Tracey Gold who played Carol Seaver on ‘Growing Pains.’ Since the show was no longer popular, my outdated oversized glasses were way uncool. Your daughter telling you that your glasses are OK reminds me of my kids telling me my hair looks fine as I try to fluff it in the rear-view mirror before we get out of the car. Their tone implies, ‘it doesn’t really matter anyway . . . you are old.’

    Reply

    • Lori Duff

      Exactly that! The tone is, “What? It isn’t like you’re going to look good no matter what you do. What’s the difference? Those aren’t more horrible than any other pair….”

      Reply

  2. Erika Berglund

    Too funny! It’s been forever since I’ve watched ‘Matilda.’ Now I have a movie craving, yay! I know what I’ll be doing next weekend:)

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Lori Duff

Lori B. Duff is the author of the Amazon ‘Hot New Release’ Mismatched Shoes and Upside Down Pizza, a collection of autobiographical humor essays. The hard copy of the book can be found on Amazon & BarnesandNoble.com and select local retailers. The e-book can be found here. You can follow her on Twitter at @LoriBDuff and on Facebook. For more blogs written by Lori, click here. For more information about Lori in general, click here. If you want Lori to do your writing for you, click here.

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