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Articles in category: Blog Posts

The Real Toilet Paper Wars February 16, 2018

I am a big fan of indoor plumbing.  I am NOT a fan of indoor plunging.  There is nothing more gag-producing than jamming a wood-and-rubber plunger into a poo filled toilet and slurping it up and down to unclog a septic system.  Especially if the poo in question is not your own.  Seriously, people.  Did…

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Mrs. Potato Head February 2, 2018

I have always looked like I came from Russian peasant stock.  I have a face that looks like it was carved from a potato. My broad shoulders were designed for swinging a pickaxe through Siberian permafrost to get at root vegetables, and my hips are wide enough to bear a whole passel of fat babies. …

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Miss Trunchbull January 19, 2018

About ten years ago, I had eyeball surgery which implanted contact lenses right in front of my retinas.  This allowed me to go glasses free for a long time.  Recently, however, my left eye decided to act up and prevent me from reading street signs in smaller fonts.  So I went to the eye doctor…

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Three Minutes in Milton November 11, 2017

On Saturday, November 11, 2017, I had the immense privilege of participating in the “Book an Author” event at the Milton Literary Festival.  This was a sort of “speed dating” for books event, in which authors had three minutes to pitch their life’s work to an audience of book buyers.  This is a reasonable approximation…

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It Comes in Threes September 16, 2017

                Honestly, the day started out just fine if you don’t count the fact that I had to set my alarm for 6 on a Saturday morning.  I drove my son to his rehearsal at the Atlanta Symphony Youth Orchestra, drank coffee and wrote in the audience, and was generally peaceful, if a little sleepy. …

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On the Road with Mario September 2, 2017

My husband’s name is Mike, not Mario, but you wouldn’t know it from the way he drives. I’m pretty sure that my husband goes out of his way to accelerate and brake in the car in such as way as to maximize the g-forces his passengers experience.  It is in this way that he can…

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Selling a Piece of Paradise July 22, 2017

I have to sell a little piece of paradise, and I’m hoping you will help me.  I mean, I don’t have to have to, I’m not a desperate seller, but it doesn’t make sense for me to hang on to it.  Way back in 2007, about 15 minutes before the housing bubble burst, my husband…

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day-drinking

Day Drinking as a Public Service July 9, 2017

My husband and I have had a long standing argument about whether or not I am a cheap date.  He swears I am.  I wasn’t convinced.  The problem, I joked, was that he was comparing my normal human metabolism to his, which resembles that of a hummingbird.  The man lives on Skittles and Jamocha shakes…

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Customer No-Service July 2, 2017

Customer No-Service I work in a law office.  And, working in a law office, we get more calls from the jail than your average business that isn’t a bail bondsman might.  In fact, getting calls from the jail is a pretty important part of our business, what with there being a whole part of the…

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I Want a Wonder Woman Lunchbox June 4, 2017

It should surprise absolutely no one who has met me for more than twenty minutes that I went to see the new Wonder Woman movie the minute I was able, which was actually the day before the wide release premiere.  A movie theater near me was doing a special sneak preview, complete with a woman…

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